DJasonFleming
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On mystery boxes
Any tool can and will be abused
April 04, 2024
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© 2024 D. Jason Fleming, CC BY-SA 4.0

In just the past few days, the concept of "mystery box" storytelling has popped up a couple of times for me, once in a review, and once in a private conversation about the trailer for the DisneyWars series The Acolyte. And a few things occurred to me, or aligned such that I realized consciously something I had always felt subconsciously.

First of all, in case you don't know, what is a mystery box? It's a method of storytelling that J.J. Abrams made famous in a TED talk, and explains both why he is such an awful storyteller, and part of why he has been so successful in Hollywood.

The gist of it is, he bought a "Mystery Box" from a magic shop as a kid, and has never opened it, because he loved the feeling of anticipation about what was inside it, and knew that if he opened it, he would be deflated, because the thrill of the mystery would then be gone. And he holds that presenting such narrative mystery boxes to audiences is far better than ever actually opening the boxes and revealing the mysteries.

He actually shows the Mystery Box in the TED talk, so I'll assume that his story isn't bullshit (in the technical, philosophical sense), but it also does not match up with his early career as a screenwriter. And it also matches too-perfectly a certain line of academic and film studies thinking, the kind of thing that midwits mistake for Very Deep Thought.

Let us start with Abrams's early produced screenplays. Before he turned thirty, Abrams had four films either released or in production based on screenplays he had originated (or co-originated), and had worked as a producer on two of those four.

Those films were the Jim Belushi comedy Taking Care Of Business, released the year Abrams turned twenty-four, the Harrison Ford drama Regarding Henry, released the year Abrams turned twenty-five, the Mel Gibson melodrama Forever Young, and the Joe Pesci-Danny Glover comedy Gone Fishin', released the year Abrams turned thirty-one.

I include his age at the time both to show that he got his position in Hollywood through nepotism (Daddy was a producer, and people don't sell screenplays while they are still in college without connections already in place), and to show that he achieved "success" without any experience or apprenticeship. Which, frankly, is reflected in his work.

Taking Care of Business is a pure gimmick comedy. Jim Belushi finds a highly successful busines executive's daily planner (for people who hate product placement, it is specifically a Filofax, which company is still in business, and whose trademarked name is used throughout the film) and, through the magic of gimmicky writing, steps into that exec's life without anybody realizing he's not The Guy. There is no depth to it, the potential thematic noir implications are untouched (and besides, Detour did it better forty-five years before), it is purely a vehicle for Jim Belushi to mug, with a side of "hey, '80s comedies were great, let's show everybody we don't understand why!" In short, shallow, forgettable fun, with a title taken from a rocking '70s song.

Regarding Henry is a bizarre duck. Directed by Mike Nichols (who would sink to much more pathetic depths in less than a decade), it was made at a point when Harrison Ford was still trying to be seen as a respectable actor, not just an action lead. He'd had an Oscar nomination in 1985 with Witness, and made several other films where he was probably hoping for the same kind of magic, including The Mosquito Coast, Working Girl (remember that supporting actors in comedies were getting Oscars at that time, including Kevin Kline and Marisa Tomei), Presumed Innocent (which, while a thriller, had a director and a cast that easily elevated it to something more), and more. So a serious, adult script in which a career lawyer gets shot in the head, survives, and has to relearn who he is and how to live probably seemed like a great idea, particularly with a director with the Hollywood cachet of Nichols. Unfortunately, the script, which needed the lawyer to learn Life Lessons, was by an under twenty-five year old kid who had never had to work a real job or struggle in life. So the film has the flattest Deep Insights you can imagine, like family is important, being a lawyer is bad, and things are made better by getting a puppy. Shallow is once again the watchword.

Just ask Roger Ebert:

There is possibly a good movie to be found somewhere within this story, but Mike Nichols has not found it in "Regarding Henry." This is a film of obvious and shallow contrivance, which aims without apology for easy emotional payoffs, and tries to manipulate the audience with plot twists that belong in a sitcom.

Forever Young once again lifts a title from a pop song, and is not only not deep, but utterly tepid in dealing with what could have been an interesting premise. Mel Gibson gets involved in a cryogenics experiment in 1939, wakes up in 1992, and has to deal with the decades he missed, and the love he lost. (No points for thinking Abrams may have read Captain America comics as a kid.) The Life Lessons are just as vapid as the other films, and the drama (such as it is) is undercut by Gibson rapidly aging at the end, thus erasing any consequences of the experiment he was involved with (and robbing him of most of his adult life, but never mind that, we got to a safe ending). (A far, far better treatment of the same idea was done on a smaller budget, to less acclaim and box office, one year earlier in Late for Dinner.)

Gone Fishin' is a comedy nobody saw, nobody remembered even the week it came out, and was mostly notable at the time for being a film on which a stuntman died in a stunt gone wrong. I saw it on cable at some point, and have no memory of it, so we'll just set that one aside. (It flopped so badly it was reportedly one of the reasons Joe Pesci retired from acting.)

The reviews for all of these movies were lackluster, and almost all of them pointed to the shallowness of the writing, and lame life lessons characters were supposed to learn.

So when I say that I suspect Abrams hit upon his mystery box method in reaction to his inability to deliver revelations that anybody found interesting in the slightest, there's a track record there. Isn't it much easier to suggest there is a mystery, get the audience and characters all hyped up for the mystery, and then... never resolve it? If you never resolve it, then nobody can mock your shallow resolution. And, after all, college professors and Very Important Thinkers all say that ambiguity is what Good Art does, right?

Well, here is where a distinction needs to be made.

First of all, somebody is going to bring up MacGuffins, so let me deal with that. A MacGuffin, film buffs know, was defined by Alfred Hitchcock as "the thing that everybody in the story wants, and is otherwise not actually important". Hitch made all kinds of MacGuffin movies, from The Thirty-Nine Steps to Notorious to North by Northwest. That last film, arguably, even has two MacGuffins: George Kaplan, the character who doesn't exist, and the microfilm toward the end of the film, which has some kind of government secrets on it, but is utterly unimportant beyond that. But George Kaplan's nonexistence is explained rather thoroughly before the movie is half over.

The reason that MacGuffins can be undefined ("pure" MacGuffins is the term I've seen) is that they really are unimportant to the actual story being told, apart from motivtaing characters to act. North by Northwest isn't about finding some microfilm and stopping it from leaving the country, it's about a slick ad man who considers the truth to be negotiable suddenly finding himself in a world of lies where nobody believes him and having to learn some sincerity.

Another "pure MacGuffin" movie is John Frankenheimer's Ronin. It's not about whatever is in the silver suitcase. It's about the tensions among a group of ex-spies who don't know each other, and have to work out if they can trust each other enough to do a job they are hired to do, and also if they can trust those who hired them.

Abrams himself wrote and directed a fine example of the pure MacGuffin, Mission: Impossible III. Apart from being a biohazard, the nature of the "rabbit's foot" is never revealed. Because the movie isn't about the rabbit's foot. It is, again, about trust, loyalty, deception, and truth. It is not a mystery box because what the audience wants answered gets answered. The traitor is revealed. The fate of Ethan Hunt's wife is made clear. The members of the team succeed in their mission at the end.

No, mystery box is something more than a MacGuffin. In Lost, there were endless unanswered questions. What was the island? What did the sequence of numbers mean? What was the smoke monster? And so on and so on and so on. It never ended, and the few answers that eventually were served up were about as lame as new puppies making life better.

I never watched Alias, but understand that it got exceedingly mystery-boxy at the end, with the nature of the Rambaldi Cube never being made clear, the metaphysical questions about its effects on history (and, unless I misunderstood one person's lengthy rants at the time of its airing, reincarnation?), and so forth.

But, the midwits who think they are intellectuals will cry, that's Ambiguity, and Ambiguity is Good.

The canonical examples of ambiguous objects in film that academics go gaga over are the suitcase in Kiss Me Deadly, a MacGuffin (but once you get to the end, it's not exactly ambiguous), and its heir in Pulp Fiction, because film students got into arguments over whether it was gold, nuclear stuff, or Marcellus Wallace's soul. PF's version is arguably a MacGuffin, but it's a fairly minor one in the film as a whole, driving part of one plot. The film as a whole is about Jules's redemption and choice to walk a different path than he had up to that point, to which the contents of the briefcase have no relation.

But let's take a MacGuffin whose essence is not a mystery, and is in fact important to the point of the story. Rosebud in Citizen Kane. In one sense, the nature of Rosebud is unimportant in that it is the chasing of it by the reporter that reveals the story of the life of Charles Foster Kane to the audience. But Kane would not be a better film if Rosebud was not revealed to the audience. Because the fact that it is his childhood sled, and he was thinking of that boyhood in his last moments, casts everything he did in the film in a different, more poignant light. (The fact that nobody in the movie ever learns it adds a certain dramatic irony to the proceedings, as well, and irony, as anybody who ever had a college course in the liberal arts knows, is how you can tell whether something is good, or popular trash.)

I am not saying that ambiguity has no place in art, not remotely. But there is genuine ambiguity that can lead you to contemplate important philosophical ideas about life, and there is forced ambiguity of the "oh, aren't I so clever" variety that is usually a stand in for "I had nothing important to say, so ambiguity will tickle the critics". 

(I said a few things about ambiguity, and a particularly striking example of it in a film, a few months ago.)

But back to mystery boxes. Chris Gore of Film Threat did a spoiler-free review of the Netflix adaptation of Cixin Liu's excellent novel The Three-Body Problem, and he was (without having read the novel) extremely positive about it. I am not going to watch the series (the novel has a very personal effect on me, as someone who lived in mainland China during some of the time the novel is set, and the trailer for the adaptation enraged me because of how clearly they cut down on the Chinese aspects of the story). Gore convinced me that they have not utterly ruined the book, but he also said something that struck me. He said that it was mystery box storytelling, but that every mystery pays off and has an effect on the story. He compared it extensively to Lost (as an example of nothing paying off).

I take his meaning, and appreciate especially the fact that he credited the well-built elements of the story to the original novel. But "mystery box" storytelling is literally the opposite of what he described the show being. It's presenting a mystery, and having no clue what the resolution is, nor caring much, because, hey, new mystery!

For another Abrams-related example, the TV show Fringe drove me up the wall to the point I stopped watching it after the first season. It had plenty of cool and interesting ideas, but then it did nothing with them, it just kept presenting more mystery boxes and relying on metaknowledge from the viewers for big "oh wow" moments that then got brushed aside as if they were nothing.

Good storytelling uses mystery, and has to, really, but while there is definitely room for ambiguity, and resolving things too neatly or lazily will anger people in the long run (for example, the climax of the movie Signs, which is just stupid all over).

You can have ambiguity in your story, absolutely, but it's tough to pull off. You can have unresolved threads and details, too, but beware of angering your readers. But you must resolve something, and the something must be important to the reader.

To be important to the reader, it should be what the story is really about. If you resolve what the story is really about, then other things that seem important can be left hanging, either for the reader's imagination, or for the sequel.

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Inspiration

Here is the Table of Contents for an issue of Western Story Weekly from 1932.

Can you see what's funny and inspiring about it?

No?

The first three authors are all one author. Max Brand, Peter Henry Morland and George Owen Baxter were (just a few of the) pen names of Frederick Schiller Faust. That magnificent so-and-so was not only one of the best pulp writers, he wrote so stinking fast that he could take up more than half the issue of a weekly pulp, and do it on the regular.

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Free Culture Art

I generate a lot of AI art for potential book covers. Much of it will never get used, so I'm sharing things here that I have no plans for, under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/ ) International License. One a day, every day, for as long as I feel like it.

(Cross-posted to Minds (https://www.minds.com/newsfeed/1591570775834365956 ).)

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Classics, or Not?
Context matters in how you judge something

One way I blow off steam is watching people on Youtube react to movies. (Man, is the 21st Century weird, or what?) And one thing that has caused an itch at the back of my brain is that some people consider movies to be "classic" that... aren't.

Look, I understand that "classic" is what stands the test of time, and speaks to multiple generations, so there is a distinct possibility that I'm just a grumpy old man. Granted.

I further understand that, while I am a cinephile with a broader and deeper knowledge of the history of cinema than most people have, I also am blind to some things that are likely great. Akira Kurosawa (my vote for greatest filmmaker of all time) held that Andrei Tarkovsky was the greatest living director (before he died, obviously). I have bounced hard off of Tarkovsky's two science fiction films, though I have tried many times with each of them. I can see that there is serious intent there, skill and craftsmanship to kill for. But something about them eludes me, fails to draw me in. The fault in this case is all but certainly with me. (And watching cinephile video essays on his other movies does nothing to make me watch them, either.)

But I don't think that's operative in the examples I'm going to discuss here.

I felt when it came out, and still feel today, that Steven Spielberg's Jurassic Park is a mid-grade Spielberg movie. (Given his output of the last twenty years, you can argue it's maybe in the top one-third of his movies, to be fair. But just barely, if so.) There are things about it that are amazing. The special effects still hold up today, thirty-two years later. There are at least two sequences that rank at the very top of "this is what Spielberg can achieve when he really puts his mind to it".

But unlike, say, Jaws or Close Encounters of the Third Kind or Raiders of the Lost Ark, it is a seriously flawed movie. The story from the novel is not just simplified and condensed, it is dumbed down to the point of cartoonishness in spots.

Take Wayne Knight's disgruntled programmer character. If he announced "Hey, I'm the guy who's going to wreck the park for petty revenge" his course of action wouldn't have been any more obvious, and for the story to work, every single other character who meets him has to be too stupid to see that. (This is not Knight's fault; it's entirely on Spielberg and screenwriter David Koepp.)

Sam Neill's Alan Grant doesn't like kids. (A trait he did not have in the novel, but Spielberg will forever work his daddy issues into any story he can. And, honestly, it was not a terrible arc to give the character, on the face of it.) But his dislike of kids is so over the top and cartoonish that only Neill's performance keeps it from being a parody of such characters.

The scene that introduces Alan Grant as a paleontologist does this, too. There's a very Spielbergian sequence of shots of brushes uncovering fossilized bones, leading up to a grand reveal of a full velociraptor skeleton in stone, worthy of framing on a wall. (In interviews at the time of release, Spielberg said he felt it was important to include "the thrill of discovery" in the film.) Problem being that, well, it compresses down to a few cuts a process that would take weeks or months of painstaking work. Which the book showed by showcasing Grant uncovering a single fossilized bone carefully, painstakingly, and ensuring that it was preserved at each moment by meticulous care. Spielberg had the chops to do the scene as it was written in the book and make it just as wondrous as anything he has ever shot.

Instead, he dumbed it down.

All of this is not to say that the movie isn't entertaining: it is, wildly so. It has a great cast, some sequences that, again, rank with anything Spielberg has ever made. But as a piece of cinema and storytelling, it is so inferior to Jaws that there is no comparison. (For what it's worth, it is also inferior to the very next film Spielberg made, Schindler's List, and that's got nothing to do with subject matter and everything to do with execution.)

So, why do people view it as a classic? Put a pin in it, we'll get there.

Tombstone is a beloved movie, and there are many excellent reasons for that. First, and by far the foremost, is Val Kilmer's performance as Doc Holliday. It is one of the greatest screen performances, ever. If a movie can be a classic based on one performance, then everything else I have to say about it is pointless, because it qualifies.

And Tombstone has more going for it than just Kilmer. The entire cast is excellent, top to bottom; not one person phones it in, even if none of them can match Kilmer. (OK, I consider Dana Delany to be slightly miscast. But she doesn't do a bad job, at all.) It is also, and this is not even a close thing, the single most accurate-to-history film version of what happened in Tombstone with Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday and the shoot out at the OK Corral.

That accuracy to history is, in a way, one of the things that keeps me from thinking it should rank as a classic. Because history is messy and doesn't follow the norms or structure of dramaturgy. And Tombstone the film suffers, partly, from a story structure that's lumpy and a bit of a mess. (I haven't read Kevin Jarre's screenplay, so I don't know if that's the source of the problem, or the rather excessive behind-the-scenes drama and problems were the cause, or some combination of both.) In a real sense, it's a credit to the film that the OK Corral shoot out isn't the climax, because what happened after is damned interesting. But it's also a pacing killer, and only somewhat redeemed by the portrayal of the end of Wyatt's and Doc's friendship.

The other thing about the movie that harms it, in my judgment, is the look of it. The costuming is accurate, possibly for the first time in an Earp movie. But the cinematography is... uneven, is the best way I can put it. There are some scenes that are perfectly shot. And there are others that are overlit and look like a (high end) television show rather than a film, to me. (Some of this might also be due to film stock, I'm not sure.) And the overlighting of some scenes (and possibly the film stock) make the costumes look wrong, somehow. It just doesn't look like a movie (some scenes excepted, as noted). Compare it to other westerns around that same time. Unforgiven, Dances With Wolves, and Lawrence Kasdan's Wyatt Earp all look like films. Tombstone, at times, looks like a TV drama, or a lower-budget comedy send-up.

(This is another issue that may well have been caused or exacerbated by the chaotic circumstances of the production. I can easily imagine that, with all the pressure that was brought to bear, the mentality of "let's light the hell out of this scene, shoot it, get it in the can and move the hell on" took hold, and that's totally understandable.)

So, before we go on, I just want to make sure I am absolutely clear: I like and enjoy both of these movies, and think that both have some greatness in them.

I just think that both are too flawed to be considered true classics.

So why are modern reaction channels finding them to be classic?

There are probably several factors contributing to it. First, anyone's first reaction to something is going to be different from their long-term opinion after they've let a piece of art stew in their minds for a while. Some movies improve with reflection and life experience, many go the other direction. But first reaction, well, it can be very strong, but it's not necessarily where you end up overall.

Second, most movie reactors claim that they are watching these movies for the first time (and I tend to believe them, at least the ones I follow), or else tell you if they've seen something before, and explain why they're revisiting it. Not having seen a lot of movies, particularly ones that came out in your lifetime that you know to be considered classics, or at least quite good, suggests a certain lack of film background. If you've only seen a few dozen movies, that's less of a baseline for comparison than if you've seen hundreds, or thousands.

But I think that the above, and other reasons, are not the main thing that's causing this.

The reason these films are getting to be seen as classics is that Hollywood has forgotten how to tell a cinematic story competently. The better-than-average-but-flawed films of the '90s look like classics when compared to the garbage that's been passing for "good" the past decade, or more.

A couple of years ago, I went off on The Marvels and lamented how good it should have been, given the story materials it already had. But it seems to hold for everything made by Hollywood in the past decade or more. 

In the early 1990s, a routine summer release that got released to lukewarm reviews and vanished in a box office season of giants showed more craft, more care for basic storytelling, than today's quarter-billion tentpole releases.

The Rocketeer (a Disney release, no less!) hit theaters in the same summer as Terminator 2: Judgment Day and City Slickers and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Those movies were blockbusters, while The Rocketeer only managed to make $46 million against a $35 million budget, meaning that it lost money (the break-even point would have been around $70 million). It got mixed reviews, some very positive, a number vaguely disappointed.

Look at it today, and it's like watching a master class in filmmaking. The Red Letter Media guys did a re:View on the movie several years ago, and Mike Stoklasa quite rightly went on at length about how absolutely solid the script is. Everything paid off is set up, everything set up is paid off, and there is basically nothing extraneous in the story. No "actor's workshop" scenes, no pointless digressions, no storytelling blind alleys. Every scene serves the story.

Is it a perfect movie? Gosh, no. Due to budgetary limitations, for a movie called The Rocketeer, there is very little rocketeering in it, for starters. (Some reviewers at the time dinged it for that, and they weren't wrong.) And while it is a perfectly competent superhero origin story, nothing about it transcends that.

But it didn't have to be.

What it is, is a solid, well-made entertainment. Wouldn't it be nice if we had those again?

Because we mostly don't. And that's why I think there is an overreaction, so to speak, to movies that are good, even with greatness in them, but which fall short of great. By the standards of what's out there, now, they're like water to a man in the desert.

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"Where do you get your ideas?"

The other day I posted a meme on Minds. I've been making memes from quotes by genre authors about the value they found in genre writing, and this one got a question in the comments:

Reading and writing sci-fi feels like exploring endless universes. How do you come up with ideas for your own work?

Ignoring the AI-generated feel of the question, I gave a rather long-ish answer, and decided to revise and expand it for a wider audience. (If you go to the post, you'll see that the questioner responded with a wall o' text that reads an awful lot like the delusions of a schizophrenic. I am unsure if he's doing a bit, or genuinely delusional.)


Ideas are easy, it's writing the story and making it work that's hard. But here are a few ways to generate ideas for stories:

  • Mash together genres that don't naturally go together, and see what happens. There was an early 1990s HBO original movie called Cast A Deadly Spell that mixed together the hardboiled private eye archetype, the Lovecraftian mythos, and urban fantasy in general, and it's brilliant.
  • Take something that interests or bothers you, and play with it in your imagination. My novella Spring That Never Came started with reading a blog about a 1970s actress who had talent, but never found success, and ended up victim of a still-unsolved murder. That bothered me, and I took that, the 1970s Hollywood milieu, and another idea (or two) entirely, and made an urban fantasy that I'm still quite proud of.
  • Find a public domain story or novel that appeals to you, and use it as a springboard. SF writers do this all the time. Heinlein's Double Star is (partly) inspired by The Prisoner of Zenda. Alfred Bester's The Stars My Destination is a delirious, brilliant variation on The Count of Monte Cristo that aims far higher than Dumas's tale did, and hits the target. Asimov's Foundation stories famously began when he was pondering Gibbon's Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire.

    Though if you're going to do this, don't be boring about it and redo something everybody already knows, like Dumas or Walter Scott, find something obscure to launch from. James Grant wrote a lot of historical adventures, and very few remember him, as an example. I'm quite sure at least a few of them could be repurposed to a space opera setting, and the cruft (he wrote a lot of triple-decker novels) stripped away for a solid adventure story.

Another form of inspiration that seems to run more strongly in science fiction than anywhere else: writing a story (or series) to demonstrate how another SF author got something wrong (which follows from the fact that American science fiction has almost always been a conversation among authors, with ideas getting tossed back and forth all of the time).

  • Poul Anderson's short story "The Critique of Impure Reason" is a hilarious and brilliant roasting of Asimov's robot story "Reason", as well as an ode to pulp science fiction in general.
  • C.J. Cherryh was downright offended by Larry Niven's alien Kzinti being not only patriarchal, but literally only having the males be sentient, that she created her own matriachal cat-like race, the Hani, and wrote one of her best series, The Pride of Chanur and its sequels. (With the added bonus that the most alien character in those books is the sole human.)
  • My dear friend Sarah A. Hoyt has a book coming out this year that began as an idea when she was 14 and read Ursula LeGuin's prize-winning The Left Hand Of Darkness, and was furious because, as she puts it, "biology does not work like that!" No Man's Land is still being edited (I read it and gave her the editorial letter late last year, but the book is enormous, so it's taking time to make all the pieces fit and work together), but should be out by summer.

Ideas are easy to come up with. Original ideas that have never been done before, that's tougher. Original ideas that are good, and so intriguing that the reader will buy the book just to see how it plays out, even harder.

But nobody who writes fiction has any shortage of ideas. (Well, except William Gibson, maybe.) Ask any author if they need new ideas for stories and, unless they are blocked for some reason, they'll just laugh. Last I heard, Jim Butcher could easily write twenty more Harry Dresden books just on the ideas he had in a notebook ten-fifteen years ago. And that's not his only series, just his most successful. Larry Correia tosses off epic series of books seemingly as easily as breathing. (It's not that easy, but he makes it look so.) I myself have something like seventy folders in my Novels directory, and a fair number of those are for series, not one-offs.

But if these ideas for generating ideas aren't enough, go listen to John Cleese talk about creativity. (With lightbulb jokes.)

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All hook, no substance

I chanced to listen to the radio the other day, something I haven't done often in over twenty years. The radio in the car I was driving happened to be tuned to what used to be called an oldies station, but these days is kind of the same mush on every radio station—a blend of stuff from the '70s up to now, with recordings of the same "DJ" everybody probably hears across the country on some stations, because local broadcast radio is basically dead.

But that's a rant for another day.

As I drove, the unmistakable opening notes to a song I remembered fondly from my childhood started, and I thought something like "Man, I loved this, but I was a kid, rarely listened to the words, and can't even remember what the second or third verses might be." So I listened.

Turns out, there was good reason for that. The song doesn't go anywhere. There's the verse, the chorus, repeat, and done. It's literally three great hooks, some "deep" lines that don't add up to anything, and nothing more.

Now, the purpose of the song was to support a movie about a band, Eddie and the Cruisers. The song wasn't important, per se, to the movie except to have something cool, rocking, and distinctive for the band to play. Those hooks, that feel, was what was important, really. But as a song, it falls apart because it's not about anything, and the melody doesn't go anywhere.

In a way, the song is quite good for what it is supposed to be. It's supposed to be a minor hit from the early 1960s, pre-British Invasion. As that, it actually fits some standards of the time. Short. Emotional. Uncomplicated.

But even there, the shortest songs of the era had a feeling of going somewhere. "Stay (Just A Little Bit Longer)" by Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs is about a minute and a half, but even though it's static in a storytelling sense (it ends with the same plea that opens it), it has real emotional movement to it. "On the Dark Side" tries to do this with the (wonderful, if brief) sax solo.

This is why the song is a nostalgia piece, not something that new generations discover and embrace as their own, in spite of the cult status of the movie for which it was created.

This is a good thing to remember when writing a story (of any length), too. Yes, you need a great hook, something to grab the reader and make him think "Whoa, that's cool!" And if you can do three great hooks, that's even better. but you need more than just hooks. The story has to be about something, and has to have some kind of movement to it, even if you wind up right back at the beginning.

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